ReelGuys.org - Gay Porn Reviews

Personal Trainers 5
Company: Bel Ami
Cast: Tommy Hansen, Julian Armanis, Sebastian Bonnet, Jeff Daniels, Oliver Krist, Dano Sulik, Yves Carradine, Roman Chaykin, Sascha Chaykin, Brandon Manilow, Robbie Martin
Director: Marty Stevens
Review: My goodness gracious, Mr. Duroy's Personal Trainer films are instructive! I took in Personal Trainers 5 last night with my good friend Cecil Hudson, and after watching it, asked for his suggestions for a few Porn Dos and Don'ts for the beginner: These should be copied by the porn novice onto an index card, and stored in a wallet for easy reference. Taping these written points to a bathroom mirror is another handy way to insure a daily reminder:

1) Never point and laugh! Bel Ami boys are always fairly courteous to each other, and that's a good thing. All of us in the porn industry can no doubt recall too many times when a weeping model needed to be coaxed out of the bathroom, thanks to another model's inappropriate ribaldry. It's really too much to cope with on a limited budget. Time is money!

2) Shower first. Be shown doing it. If the water's cold, comment on the fact loudly. It makes the viewer realize that you're putting up with discomfort for his entertainment, and he'll appreciate you all the more for it.

3) During the interview portion, chuckle shyly at any sly questions pitched you about your sexual appetite. Blush, if you can manage it. Such is very engaging and draws viewer sympathy. A pretty guy off-balance and awkward is ALWAYS sexy.

4) Do NOT wear a wristwatch when having sex. Bel Ami boys all seem to be wearing them during the clothed interview, and then ditch them for the sex scene, and that is at it should be. Watches worn during sex make performers look like they're concerned about catching a bus in twenty minutes, or that they're trying to get in a quick one during a lunch hour. Either that, or they're inordinately proud of their personal jewelry, which is tacky. Watches evoke the workplace, and for many of us that is NOT an erotic atmosphere! Rings are also not recommended. They suggest commitment, and that's not what porn's about. Necklaces or chains are fine. Those are suggestive of gifts given by a daddy to his stud, and so are not at discord in a scene.

5) If you must grab it with your hand, grab it at the base.

6) During a 69 configuration, leave enough room between yourself and your partner for the camera to shoot between you and pick up both your faces.

7) If you can't manage to swallow a cock whole, then compensate by playing with the head a lot with your tongue. Stroke manually, if you must, but remember -- start at the BASE!

8) When topping, keep your hips moving. Look at your partner during the action. Let your expression be one of either arrogant confidence or tender awe. It's better than pumping away with a look of knit-browed concentration like you're plunging a stubborn blocked toilet. And don't let your mouth hang open!

9) When bottoming, toss your head ecstatically about, gasp and moan, lick your own bicep, squeeze your eyes shut in rapture, and give your partner occasional doe-eyed gazes of worship and admiration. It's better than lying there like a throw pillow, looking constipated.

10) Don't lie about like a throw pillow, looking constipated.

11) Don't pump like you're plunging a stubborn blocked toilet. Keep your mouth shut and breathe through your nose.

11) Remember the formula - Smile, Style, Strong! Smiling goes a long way to enhancing the quality of a scene. Viewers like to think you're happy in your work, or rather, that it isn't work at all. Sullen faces don't bring the fans back, so show off those caps!

12) If English is not your first language, don't try to talk sexy phonetically. "You are preetie boy-ee" is neither exotic nor arousing. Talk in your native language and let the director concern himself with subtitles.

13) When on camera, avoid asking the director "When do we eat?"

14) Puppets aren't sexy. Don't make your cock into one, no matter how much it may look like a long-nosed man with a bushy beard. And don't make it talk like Senor Wences. His comic stylings cannot be said to have withstood the test of time, and your viewers will consider you outmoded.

15) During a scene, do not sing.

16) When ejaculating, do not imitate the sounds of cannon fire, missles launching, or anything else related to a battlefield. Many viewers are disturbed at the intrusion of sober realpolitik into an erotic scenario, and will count it against you.

17) When a scene has concluded, do not take the opportunity to fart loudly, inquire again about the imminence of mealtime, pick stray hairs from your teeth, or call out loudly "Christ, have I gotta poop!". Such is considered vulgar behavior, and in your role as erotic performer you are to uphold the highest standards of taste.

18) Make no belligerent requests for clean linen. A towel, clean or only slightly-used, will be provided you shortly after the conclusion of the shoot.

19) No gum-chewing!

20) Please take care to turn off all cell-phones. In the event you forget to turn off your phone and it rings during a scene, then please keep your conversation brief, or suggest that your caller contact you at a more convenient time.

I've gotta say, Cecil never fails to impress me with his insight into the nuts-n'-bolts of what makes quality porn. He is truly an industry giant!

By the way -- his upcoming tour-de-force, "Kamchatkan Stud Summer Mischief," had to be rethought at the last moment. Something came up about some water-under-the-bridge situation in Romania last spring, and Cecil was denied entrance into the country. Interpol had a few very personal questions to ask. It was a big mess. So in the end, Cecil regrouped and pursued another project. When we've time to speak again, I'll be asking him for the story behind the making of "French Quarter Fraternity Four-Way." Should be good!

Talk to ya later! Cecil says "Ah bientot, alors!"

ADDENDUM

I'm just powering-down from a big rush of people crowding into the Children's Room a second ago. We're in the midst of Science Fair and Afr.American History Month, so everyone's needing the same sort of materials at once. Lots of homeschoolers! Of great variety! Christians, hippy-humanists, Rastafarians, people-just-sick-of-lousy-public-schools -- all types.

Anyway -- an observation: Dano Sulik must have done some time in the Czech military. He acts like a sergeant during his orgy scenes. A nice one, though, who encourages the men in his platoon and keeps them thinking in terms of the whole group. It was cute to watch him keeping a monitoring eye on the orgy he was involved in. At one point, he even reaches his hand over and sort of bounces a fucking top lightly, as if to keep the guy in sync with everyone else, or to suggest he should pick up the pace. Only guys who've done time in the service seem to be able to slip into that mode of cooperative-yet-hierarchical thinking; the instant understanding that a task involving many people requires someone to lead and give the orders. They usually, like Sulik, step right into the role of sergeant and take charge right away. Sister Betty is certainly like that. All at once, Duroy, or someone else off-camera, calls out to Sulik to keep his hips moving, bringing him back to his own task at hand. This was in the final scene of Personal Trainers 5. Kind of a cute moment, like I say. I think the Czech Republic has mandatory military service, like a year, or something. More than one of the Bel Ami boys seem to take on their sexual performances like tasks to be well and thoroughly completed. We are the top of the line, they seemed to say, and must demonstrate excellence in all things! A very soldierly attitude, I think . . .

I wonder if they're being groomed for a more all-around sort of service to the company? Dano Sulik, for example, comes off in his scenes like someone who'd be just as comfortable off-camera doing the technical stuff as well as on-camera having sex. It's all just a job to him, yet a job he expects to perform well. I would love to see what sort of thing Bel Ami uses as its Employee Handbook, y'know?

The more porn I watch, the clearer it becomes to me how much the companies have detailed policies and game-plans. They aren't just cruising around for boys to shoot and to milk until their popularity runs out. They seem to know exactly what types they all want and how long they want to use them. Do all the guys get the option of staying with the stable as backstage workers, once their time on camera is over? Are they all invited to be trained for other duties? They must be fairly smart, middle-class types as a group. They're all good-looking and well-maintained. That's usually a sign of money and comfortable upbringing. I don't think all THAT many of them were groomed by a daddy before their porn careers. And if they were recruited from the street, they'd look a lot skankier, even with a fresh coat of paint, y'know?

Anyway -- none of this is important, I realize. But you know how I just love trying to figure out how stuff works and why people do things. Of course, I spend a good hour musing about the why's and where fore's of a thing, only to arrive at the obvious.

"It is a terrible thing to waste one's mind. Or not to have a mind . . . "

Reviewed By:

Available: TLA Video, Shopaholics Anonymous.